Today

Ever since I got pregnant the first time, I've half waited for something to go wrong. Every ultrasound held my breath for bad news. Now that I have 3 healthy boys who are going strong, I don't so much worry as I do hold my breath. I don't think that will change if we have more children. I don't worry about falls or broken bones. It's more some underlying fear that one day they will be taken from me. That one day I will never be able to hold those I love again.

I tend to have a negative outlook. I see the worst first, process it, and only then can I move forward and be positive. Sometimes it's a quick process and other times I just have to push it to the back of my mind. It means I often make stupid comments or react poorly.

It's how I protect myself. We all have ways of doing that. I'm pretty good at trusting God until it comes to taking away my kids and hubby. See, even that phrase "taking away" proves my point. I believe in the Bible. I do trust the Lord. So I know this fundamental truth-these boys are not mine. They all the Lord's. My job is temporary, His is eternal. They will be gone someday...if only just to college or marriage.

I think that's how I survive everyday. Knowing that they are God's and He will take care of them. Gabe and I will raise them the best we can to know and trust the Lord and leave it all up to Him.

So I am thankful for today. I know Heaven is waiting and we will be there someday, praising God for all eternity, but until then we have today. And I am thankful for the grace that makes even this temporary life wonderful.